The fear of relationships

It was late in the evening when a friend of mine told me they were going to go on a first date that weekend.  I was a bit disturbed as the person I was brooding about relationships together was finally moving forward and taking the plunge into starting a dating venture.  We supported each other and we both agreed that being in a relationship was the hardest thing to be into.

I had always been reserving myself for the best time, the right time and to never give in until I am truly ready.  I was on a spiritual quest in working with the Creator to better myself mentally.  Working on my traumas through relationships from my past.  I even had physical manifestations on my body that were the results of emotions that were held in.  At this point of my life I spent approximately 3 years trying to heal my body with the Creator.  There were a significant amount of improvements.  A little at a time I was being challenged to melt away the things that bothered me from past relationships.  Forgiveness, pain and just moving forward.

I never thought I was quite ready.  I was looking for signs of a 100% clear from my emotional stress.  I always felt I was 80% there, but not quite made it to 100%.

But when my friend finally told me they were ready to date, I was in great despair.  I was telling myself, “oh no, Grace you are going to be alone.  Nobody to brood with.  Nobody to talk about how wonderful it is to be single.  Your friend is actually moving on.  Who are you going to go now to talk about crap about relationships? NOBODY!”

So that evening, I cried a little.  Afraid of the unknown.  I actually thought something was wrong with me.  I called my cousin and asked her about dating.  She was dating and I wanted to get some tips on the first steps about how to meet people.  Here was my first step into finding….Phil.